Comments on: You’ll Grow Out of It

By: Michela

Michela — Wed, 02 May 2012 21:46:15 +0000

Dan, I too have had a similar experience and it’s a frustrating situation to endure. It’s hard after taking a class like this to not want everyone to have the same realizations and “ah-ha” moments we’ve all had, but as you acknowledged, White privilege has a way of rearing it’s ugly head and it’s even harder when it’s with someone you care about. It’s especially difficult when you’re met with backlash that’s targeted at you. I think what I’ve learned in these experiences is to not give up or think of it as a lost cause. Like we’ve done in class, think about approaching him in a way that acknowledges his viewpoint and comes from a compassionate place. Also, as hard as it is to continue having the difficult conversations, I’ve also learned that usually a strong response—especially one that undermines someone he deeply cares about—means that he’s heard you and will probably continue to think about it; change usually comes when met with conflict. I think you also bring up an interesting question: “How do we stop people from growing out of it?” I think you stop growing out of it by continuing to discuss what we’ve talked about in this class with others and by utilizing your privilege in a tangible way by supporting progressive policies with your vote and voice.

By: Simonep42

Simonep42 — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:44:25 +0000

Lately I have taken to discussing with many of my white friends overt and aversive racism. While for years my friends have spoken out against overt acts of racism exacted against me and my daughters, they have only recently begun to recognize some of their own implicitly biased schools of thought. See my friends always thought that because they had a black friend for years, there was no way they had any racist tendencies. I had to point out recently to one such friend that saying tome “ well you are not like them” and making remarks about blacks and how their disadvantages were mostly due to their lack of effort was due to implicit biases they were not aware of. This did not sit well with most of my friends and they too thought, I was “going through a phase” and would eventually grow pass this once I was done taking this class. I have had to decide how to maintain these friendships while educating my white friends on their positions of privilege and the impact they have to effect change if they spent their “privilege bucks”. I started out just wanting to counsel women and teens who have been abused in an effort to help them cope and triumph over the issues of life traumas . Now I know I can do this, only better , as I face the issues of race relation and how social constructs about their race , gender, education , and lack of access would impact my being able to make a difference.

By: Tory Mansolillo

Tory Mansolillo — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:31:38 +0000

Alexis, I think your last sentence is an excellent point about addressing any issue related to racism or privilege to White individuals. I will definitely keep that in mind when I talk to my own family members or peers about these issues. I find that I struggle with getting them to understand what I am talking about. I think if I can remember to put myself in their shoes and remember my own thoughts prior to my education and interest about these topics I will be better prepared to discuss such issues with them.

By: Alexis

Alexis — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 03:15:22 +0000

What does “growing out of it” look like to him or to you? I’m 36 years old (ouch, admitting that is PAINFUL!) and I have not grown out of it yet although; I am keenly aware of the benefits that I reap daily from simply being white. There is a fine line there, you are correct, but how do you propose to speak to people about spending their privilege for the greater good when they refuse to see the imbalance that exists from the onset? Many will respond in a manner consistent with your father in that, you need to have a job. You need to support yourself and any future family that you may have. For some reason, when you speak of properly spending your privilege to them they hear that somehow you are proposing that you are going to not work. I don’t quite understand why that is but that is why I asked you the question of what that looked like to you because, if you can describe THAT instead of saying something that screams “I’M NOT YOU” maybe he will be able to relate to its merit and hear you a bit better.

As Connie said on Wednesday towards the end of class; trying to have reflective judgment can carry you a lot further in life. Ask your dad what he sees as “growing out of it” and then you can at least base your response on real discussion rather than assumptions and intonations. Trying to understand the other side of the spectrum can open things up and perhaps then taking baby steps toward discussing privilege, how to spend it properly and why it is unearned may be better received. As we discussed in class, even though it appears to be absurd, making Whites “comfortable” so that you can have a discussion about reality can sometimes be the only way your voice will be heard. Otherwise, they shut down, tune you out and write you off as “just another Liberal”…even if you’re a moderate or a conservative! Sometimes the best offense is having a good defense and that comes from knowing the other side’s point of view sometimes better than they know it themselves.