Being a person of color you’re doomed to experience microaggressions, it’s almost like a rite of passage for us. Almost to say, “I’ve made it mom! The white girl in my class just asked me where my family is “from, from!”. Funny enough, I did not experience a true microaggression until I moved away to go to college on the east coast.
Microaggressions can come in many different forms, and they happen so quickly it can be confusing when you’re the one experiencing them. I remember going to my school’s health center and speaking with the receptionist at the front office, she told me she loved my name, raved about how perfect it sounded and how I could be a news anchor with the name I had. The interaction made me happy, I’d never had anyone react so kindly to my name. A few days later I was back in the office for my appointment and she was there again. I expected her to mention my name but this time it was drastically different. Instead she saw me and said, “Oh I remember you, you’re Juana, right?” This was a kick in my gut, not because she got my name wrong but because she chose such a strong presenting Latina name and tied it to me.
Normally this would be fine, I could correct the person and move on, but this instance felt off to me. I froze and shook my head no, she sent me a gaze I will never forget; it was confusion mixed with disbelief, almost as if she thought I was lying. Later when I mentioned this to my friends, they asked me why I didn’t challenge her in the moment, but truthfully I hadn’t known she was using a microaggression on me. Even later at night, as I lay in bed, I still hadn’t fully processed the interaction and I tried to convince myself I was the problem. I began to wonder what I did wrong and why I couldn’t be strong enough to tell her off about the interaction.
Often people of color have similar feelings after they are faced with microaggressions. They feel confused, angry, and even upset with themselves. It’s a common feeling to blame oneself for others bringing you down and that does not change even for racism. In these moments I yearn to remind everyone that you are not the reason someone perpetuates ignorance, and we should not let it kick us down when it’s put on us. You do not have to force yourself to educate the oppressor that’s constantly harmed you, so please know it’s never your fault. To the perpetrator, the oppressor, and the ignorant, I leave you with this: is it really so hard to learn about others? To accept that everyone is different and we cannot change that about ourselves? If you really want to show you care, educate yourself, do not rely on others.
I really appreciated what you have done with this post, emphasizing that it would do no harm for oppressors to learn about people with different cultural backgrounds and ethnicities. I loved how strong you were in telling about a personal real-world microaggression that you have experienced. I agree with your closing statement about education on race, people should always attempt to further their knowledge if they truly care about these issues. Although I have a follow up question to this: what do you think would be an effective way of getting people comfortable with engaging in race talk?
Julianna, thank you so much for sharing this. It is so not right that POC are left blaming themselves when microaggressions occur. It is also extremely frustrating to know just how many people don’t think that a microaggression has a large impact because of the term “micro”. They can be really heavy and people deserve to be validated in their feelings when experiencing such hurtful circumstances.